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One of the things that influences the availability heuristic is whether or not something happens to us personally, or to another person.Things that we experience ourselves are obviously more salient, and thus reside closer to the forefront of our minds—and this makes them easier to retrieve, which sways us into believing they happen with greater frequency than they do. Because it’s much easier to recall all the efforts been up to, we’re prone to think that we’ve been doing much more than the other person has.All of which is to say: when it comes to accurately keeping score in a relationship, we suck.At this point you might be thinking to yourself, “Scorekeeping is something douche-y guys do in a relationship. In my relationships I’m an incredibly generous and giving guy.” Unfortunately, if that’s what you’re thinking, there’s a good chance that you might be one of the worst offenders of all. Robert Glover describes the problems of a set of men who are not simply “nice,” but who suffer from “Nice Guy Syndrome.” These guys never assert their own needs and let people walk all over them, all in the hope that shaping themselves into what others desire will win them love and approval.If you’re feeling under-appreciated and that you’ve been pulling more weight than your wife, don’t stew about it in silence. Is there anything you could help take off my plate?



Is installing a fan worth more than staying up with a sick child during the night?First off, we still haven’t even resolved the debate over which is the tougher lot–working full-time or staying home with children (having had a hand in both, I’d say they’re equally difficult, just in different ways).And does cleaning the bathroom garner more points than mowing the lawn?And yet such behavior inevitably leads instead to unhappiness, frustration, and barely suppressed rage.Even though they suppress their needs, Nice Guys still want those needs met somehow, which naturally creates a real dilemma.

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